(April 11, 2013 – I am posting this because it has to do with my next post!)
It seems like such a silly thing to worry about, but I can’t stop thinking about it and even though God has been really good and He’s been opening doors for me and I have lots of options, I guess I’m not satisfied because it’s not what I envisioned for myself.
I want God to use me this summer, but maybe the problem is that I want Him to use me the way I want Him to use me. (hehe that was a funny sentence :P) And then other times I’m tired of thinking so hard about it, I don’t even want to pray about it, I just want the Holy Spirit to be clear, I want God to shut out every possibility except for the one door He wants me to go through.
It doesn’t matter what I want.
Maybe I’m talking to myself too much to hear what God is saying.
And now, behold, I am going to Jerusalem, constrained by the Spirit, not knowing what will happen to me there, except that the Holy Spirit testifies to me in every city that imprisonment and afflictions await me. But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God.
I want to be like Paul here. He’s going to Jerusalem, he doesn’t know what’s going to happen to him there but he’s certain he’ll be persecuted. And that doesn’t even matter to him because his life is not his own. The only thing he cares about doing is continuing his ministry so that God may be glorified.
Despite my imperfect human desires, deep down, all I want is to do God’s will. I just get caught up in the things of this world sometimes and forget :( No matter what I do this summer, I hope that God will be glorified and that He will be made known through it.
My time on earth is short. This summer is even shorter. I better use it wisely.
Walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time.